Things I know about Santa

MAX

I was too young to remember last Christmas, so I looked at TV and asked Tipper & George about it. For the rest of you that are too young too, here is what I found out.

See, there's this guy called Santa that brings toys and stuff to all good kitties. He's fat 'cause he eats too many treats. I might leave a few of mine out for him but I'm telling Mom to hide the rest so he doesn't eat them all.

Santa has long, white whiskers and wears red jammies with bells on them. When he isn't busy making toys he hangs out where it snows forever and drinks Coke with polar bears. He talks to deers that have flashy, red light bulbs for noses. I know what deers are, 'cause I've seen them in my yard, but I'm pretty sure none of them had light bulbs.

And get this. His carrier can fly! It's magic and can go all around the world. We have a carrier too, but it doesn't fly to the V.E.T. We go in the car.

Sometimes Santa stands out in the cold by stores and rings bells and gets money to help everybody. Mom says this is a good thing and she gives him some money. Then Santa might hold some leaves over your head and try to kiss you. I'm not sure I like this part 'cause Mom is the only one I let kiss me but maybe I should let Santa kiss me too, if I want any toys!

Santa has a bunch of helper guys called elves, with sparkly skin and they help make all the toys. They wear green clothes and have pointy ears and they look like space aliens from some planet called North Pole. You can send mail to their planet saying how good you are and the elves will read it. Then after they read your mail, the elves give Santa a list of all kitties names to check if they've been "naughty" or "nice" and he checks it twice before his carrier takes off. I know all my friends names will be on his "nice" kitty list.

When Santa comes to your house, his carrier lands on your roof and then Santa falls down the chimney into your fireplace, just like our birdie did. If you don't have a fireplace, I think he probably comes in the same holes that bugs and mousies do. So, if you see a guy in red jammies walking in your house at night, it's OK, he's not a robber. It's just Santa, and he leaves stuff for you by your Christmas tree. Mom says we might not have a Christmas tree this year 'cause she's afraid we'd knock it over. Wait ... if we don't have a tree, where will Santa leave our toys?

So anyway, if you've been a "nice" kitty all year, Santa will bring you things. If you've been "naughty", you might get a bag of rocks or maybe NOTHING!

We've been really good, except for maybe just a few times. I want a new cat perch and some new glitter balls to replace the ones we lost under the furniture. Shasta ate our flying feather, but now that we've had a real flying birdie, a feather on a stick is a poor substitute. But some fresh catnip would be nice 'cause ours is stale.