Monday, November 16, 2009

Claw Story

a one act play by
Maxwell Smartkitty

The Ensemble: (in order of appearance)
Mom - Mom
Dad - Dad
George - Georgie Pie
Max - Maxwell Smartkitty
Tipper - Tipper Doodle
Misty - Misty Everpurr

The Setting:
5:00AM. The dark bedroom of a suburban Whisk-onsin house.

As the scene opens we see two humans in a big bed. Mom is lying on her left side, snuggled under the quilt against the morning chill. Dad gets up and leaves the room. The door is left ajar. Within seconds cats enter the room and jump onto the bed. First is George, an elderly, sometimes cranky, white & gray harlequin, who immediately demands to be under the cover. We see Mom lift the blanket and George settles in against her chest, purring loudly.

Then we see Max, the magnificent, black & white tuxie, who first checks on the location of his beloved brother. Once satisfied that all is well, Max settles his 20 lb. weight on Mom's shoulder with his pristinely white, Mancatly front paws extended. Mom reaches up to pet his head.

Mom: How's my handsome tuxie boy?

Max: I'm good.

We see two other cats, Tipper and Misty, both gray & white female tuxies, enter and settle at the foot of the bed.

Max, having made himself comfortable on Mom's shoulder, flexes his huge toes, extends his razor sharp claws and begins to knead on the side of Mom's face and head.

Mom: Ouch!

Max: (purr purr purr knead knead knead)

Mom: Ow...Max!!

Max: Sorry. (purr purr purr knead knead knead)

Meanwhile George has made his way under the quilt and is in the crook of Mom's knee. Max realizes his brother is no longer against Mom's chest and, being the concerned brother that he is, stops kneading, gets up, turns and walks down the length of Mom's body to find him. Once he finds the George lump, Max is satisfied but for good measure he hisses at Misty, his annoying, top-shelf-stealing little sister, (yes I know about that, Misty) then walks up Mom's body and re-settles his considerable weight on her shoulder.

Mom: Max, settle down.

Max: I needed to find George.

Mom: Fine, you found him. Now go to sleep.

Max again begins kneading on Mom's face and head, more forcefully than before.

Max: (purr purr purr knead knead knead)

Mom: Ow! Max...claws!!

Max: Sorry. I got a little carried away.

Mom: Well, stop it.

Max, who is now really into his kneading, digs into the quilt, Mom's nightgown, neck, ears and head, catching his claws in her hair.

Mom: Max...CLAWS!!!

Max, busy with his kneading, pays no attention to Mom's pleas.

Mom: OW!!! STOP IT!

Mom shrugs her shoulder and Max slides part way off, but gets right back on.

Max: Sorry Mom. I guess I don't realize my own strength.

Mom: OK...calm down now.

Max begins to knead more gently but when one claw punctures Mom's skin, she cries out in pain.

Mom: OWW!!!! That's it. You're getting a claw trim today.

Upon hearing this, Max, who hates claw trims, leaps off the bed in one mighty bound and rushes from the room.

Max: No way! I'm outta here.

The End


At November 16, 2009 6:53 AM, Blogger The Island Cats said...

Haha! That sounds like a scene at our house...I gotta admit, I go a little crazy with the kneading on mom when she is bed...


At November 16, 2009 8:00 AM, Blogger The Kool~Kittie~Krew said...

MOL!!! Scooter(RIP) and Skeeter get WAY carried away with the claw kneading! Mom says the same thing as your mom "Um, CLAWS" We hope you can stop by tomorrow for Skeeter's 13th purrday pawty!

At November 16, 2009 8:07 AM, Blogger Cat Street Boyz said...

LOL, that would be us but Mom is up first, gets the poopy puppy outside, they come back in.......she empties the dishwasher and refills it........feeds us kitties......goes and get old Luke to go out.......she gets the woofies breakfast.......goes down to get Luke with the lifter.......they eat and get their faces wiped.......finally Mom goes to the tinman to get a cold cranraspberry drink then she falls into the computer chair........difference now is that we are no longer slowskeeeez, we left Verizon to become Comcastic! YESSSSSS!=^Y^=

At November 16, 2009 8:56 AM, Blogger Elizabeth and Connor said...

Very similar to our routine. And we haven't gotten our claws trimmed yet, either.

At November 16, 2009 9:30 AM, Blogger Angel and Kirby said...

We try to be very careful with the claws. Mom is sad cause we don't get on her. We are are like your sisters. Very good play.

At November 16, 2009 10:41 AM, Blogger One Cats Nip said...

HAhaha that was a good story!!!!!

At November 16, 2009 11:32 AM, Blogger Zippy, Sadie and Speedy said...

Thanks Max, now mom is doing clippy claws here! Speedy sez to pleeze don't hiss at Misty. He is hiding unner da sofa cuz he barfed on mom dis morning and he's afraid she's mad.

At November 16, 2009 11:35 AM, OpenID wildcatwoodscats said...

We have to have our claws clipped too cuz we hurt Mom when we knead her! Cute story!

At November 16, 2009 12:14 PM, Blogger Rupert said...

You crazy cats are the best-dressed bunch of tuxies I ever do see!

I like this one act play. How about another one, but this time a dance number with no talking and peppy music? You're already dressed for your big production number!

Paws 'n Claws,

At November 16, 2009 12:15 PM, Blogger Gracie said...

Great story! I guess you can say no rest for the tired cold mom. Good work kitties! You do your job well!!

At November 16, 2009 1:25 PM, Blogger Glogirly and Katie said...

Ah, the old claw trim. Just when you think you're free and clear. Just when you've got your manicure perfectly sharp. I hate that.


At November 16, 2009 2:06 PM, Blogger Shilgiah the Cat said...

Smart Mancat Max! Really great play! Our mom keeps threatening us with pedicures and such.

At November 16, 2009 4:13 PM, OpenID catsintrees said...

Lol, a very familiar story. We can see the innocent faces with a look of 'what's up? Aren't we having fun?'

At November 16, 2009 5:15 PM, Blogger Eric and Flynn said...

Haha! A very good play. I get carried away with my kneading too and sometimes dad wakes up with little holes in his nose.

At November 16, 2009 6:36 PM, Blogger Derby said...

Hmmm, I never sleep that close to mum to worry about hurting her.

At November 16, 2009 7:26 PM, Blogger William said...

We have that same ending at our house, too!!

At November 16, 2009 8:39 PM, Blogger Fin said...

So suspenseful! Love it.

At November 16, 2009 10:49 PM, Blogger Inigo Flufflebum and d'Artagnan Rumblepurr said...

Don't know nuthin' bout this here, we get our mani/peti every week... clear gloss tips... heehee!

At November 16, 2009 11:17 PM, Blogger Catline Crew said...

Parts of that play sound really familiar.

At May 13, 2010 10:26 PM, Blogger 文章 said...



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