Balding with Dandruff

MAX

Yesterday I followed Mom down the hallway towards the human litterbox room like I've done many times before. I should have been suspicious when she used that syrupy sweetie-pie voice and called to me, "Come on, Max...come on in", then casually closed the door. But instead of doing her business, she reached into a drawer and brought out that buzzy thing. The minute I saw it I shuddered 'cause it brought back terrible memories!

Do you remember when Tipper almost got shaved? Well friends, that's exactly what Mom did to me!! OK, I'll admit I had a few small mats here and there but I was planning to take care of them in due time.

MOM

Due time! Your entire back was covered and they were so thick I couldn't even cut through them.

MAX

(sighs and rolls eyes) Whatever.

Anyway, after Mom tricked me, she trapped me and before I knew what was happening she pinned me down and started in. I tried to turn my head to see what was happening. I meowed for her to stop. I bit at the buzzy thing. I bit at her hand, but then licked it, 'cause, you know, I really do love Mom. I tried to run, but she cornered me. I tell you, it was sheer torture and it went on for hours. I was a bloody mess when it was over!!

MOM

Oh for heaven's sake, you didn't have a scratch on you and it was less than 10 minutes.

MAX

Friends, I was very, very brave and finally my ordeal was over. Just look at the giant pile of mats she got off me! I'm a little embarrassed 'cause my mat pile has dandruff but I think it's kind of artistic, actually. My back, now that's a different matter.




Just look at me! I'm almost BALD!!

This is terrible!! How can I be at my handsomest for the ladies when my backside is all patchy and bald? And, if that isn't bad enough, I have DANDRUFF!!