Friday, April 28, 2006

For Guys Only


Already famous for the word squillions, everyone’s favorite tiny boy, William of Mass Destruction, has invented a fantastic new word – hoo-ha-ectomy.

As one of the elders in our cat blogging community, and for the benefit of you younger guys, I felt I must take this opportunity to have a discussion of just what this new word means. Since this is a “G” rated blog I will be discreet, but in order not to offend any young ladies out there, you girls might want to stop reading here and go take a short nap or watch some birdies.

OK guys, the main reason this is done is so that we can’t make kittens and you don’t need to be afraid to have it done. You might hear it referred to as

Being fixed or neutered
Getting clipped
Having your bits removed (Charlie of Brit Cats has talked about this)

and most of us have experienced our hoo-ha-ectomy early in our lives. Max and I had ours as very young kittens since the shelters we were adopted from wouldn’t let us go home without going to the V.E.T. first. The actual procedure is not as bad as being put in the carrier and going in the car, which most of us don’t like. Once you get to the V.E.T. you take a short nap and when you wake up, your hoo-has are gone! You might be a little sensitive in that area for a day or two, but in most cases, there are no problems after that.

There are many benefits to us guys in having this done, and I will talk briefly about each of them

Population control – We all know there are too many unwanted kittens that get sent to The Bridge without ever finding forever homes. This is a very sad situation. Instead of acting like.... dare I say it....(whispers) sex crazed maniacs roaming or “tomcatting” around looking for females, guys without hoo-has can appreciate the ladies for an elegantly curved whisker, a soft meow and a beautiful coat while maintaining a strictly platonic relationship. Plus you have the assurance of not having to pay kitten support or having false paternity claims made against you.

Aggression control - Hoo-ha removal helps you stay calm and relaxed and not go around picking fights with other cats. We are all incredibly handsome guys and want to stay that way, so it’s best to avoid fighting.

Weight – Some think that guys without hoo-has will gain weight. Speaking from personal experience, Max and I have not had a problem with this. We maintain our manly physiques at 12 – 14 lb. By controlling your diet and getting enough exercise, you should have no problems either.

Spraying – Also called territorial marking, this is done by guys who still have hoo-has. No gentlemen cat would ever spray and Max and I always use our litter box. Your housemates will appreciate your good manners.

Disease – You can’t get cancer of the hoo-has if you don’t have them

Safety – You will be happy living indoors or going out only with supervision. It will keep you safe from harm.

Well, I think that pretty much covers the main points so (calls out) all you ladies can come back in the room now.

Aha, I knew it! You were there the whole time. Heh, heh, heh.


At April 28, 2006 9:38 AM, Blogger Cheysuli said...

Having had kittens for my prior owner (and lovely children they were), I can attest to the fact that males with out hoo has are much gentler and much more interesting to a female..

At April 28, 2006 3:19 PM, Blogger Derby said...

Very instructive for all kitties to know about, including the ladies.

But like you said, we can still have our opposite sex friends.

At April 28, 2006 5:46 PM, Blogger Beau Beau & Angie said...

Hoo-ha-ectomy is such a funny werd! Not so funny when it's happenin' but the werd itself jus makes us crack up!

At April 28, 2006 6:45 PM, Blogger Lone Star Purrs said...

Very well said George. We ladies weren't offended at all. We do have to agree wif Beau an' Angie IS a funny word!!

At April 28, 2006 8:40 PM, Blogger William said...

Excellent points, George!

I have a secret. When I first came to live with Mom as a really tiny boy, I had only one hoo-ha. Mom and my doctor (and I love her almost as much as I love Mom) were hoping that the second one would show up. But it was hiding and wouldn't come out no matter what. So when I had the hoo-ha-ectomy, the surgeon had to find the other one. So I have a girl-like scar on my belly too. But it wasn't too too bad. We certainly couldn't leave that hiding hoo-ha in there!

At April 29, 2006 6:44 AM, Blogger The Meezers said...

Ou hoo-ha-ectomies were not that bad eifer. the people at the v-e-t were really really really nice, and we gotted lots of hugs and loves from them, and even more when we gotted home.

At April 29, 2006 11:45 AM, Blogger Tucker said...

My hoo-has were gone before I even new what they were! Part of mamas adoption contract was that I should have a hoo-ha-ectomy quickly. My mama took me about a month later.

Didn't hurt a bit. Every body and the V-E-T loved me and I loved them! No problem was so ever!

At April 29, 2006 3:52 PM, Blogger Edsel/The Pooch said...

William - my Mom used to have a kitty named Goodi and they had to go up and get one of his hoo-has too! pesky little thing.....

At April 30, 2006 2:40 PM, Anonymous Beau said...

My hoo-ha-ectomy was when I was 6 months old and I barely remember it now. You're right the ride and being in the carry thing is worse.
I just have a fat pouch in that area, but I still want to go out alone...but mom won't let me me. Having a hoo-ha-ectomy is the mature, responsible thing to do.

At April 30, 2006 6:04 PM, Blogger Digby-Cat said...

My hoo-has went bye-bye before mom found me. I don't know who has them and I don't care! I certainly do NOT want them back!! Hoo-has are not a necessity, at least not where I am!


At April 30, 2006 8:35 PM, Blogger Dianne said...

Oh yeah, I keep checking and I've been deflated,and I don't even remember it happening. Ma thought I was a girl and had taken me to get fixed. The vet told her I was a boy (like she didn't really know?) I was Chloe for a few days, that's right!

At May 01, 2006 6:47 PM, Anonymous Kelly Cat said...

You bring back some bittersweet memories, pre-hoo-ha-ectomy memories, before I adopted my humans. Those were the days...

Now every day my pest sister Caitie sticks her nose in my whoopsy-daisy (where my hoo-has used to be) and looks snarky at me. HMPFT...

At May 02, 2006 8:22 AM, Blogger Buzzerbee & meep said...

A very thoughtfully written post, George! Our mom & dad are very pro "spay/neuter" and they are so glad to see when a real kitty agrees with them!

At May 02, 2006 9:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well said, George. Well said.


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