Friday, July 13, 2007

CWF Match


Friends, I'm privileged to be announcing the first ever, non-televised, three-round wrestling match between the reigning heavyweight champion, former Catolympic gold medal winner, Maxwell Smartkitty, and the young challenger, Misty Everpurr. Tonight's match will be held in my living room with limited commercial interruption. The Champ is a handsome, 3 year old male weighing in at 16.7 lb., and is the crowd favorite to retain his title. Our challenger is a lovely 1 year old female, weighing in at...(whispers) what do you mean she wouldn't give her weight??...uh, weighing in at an undisclosed amount, who's been training with the champ for the last six months.

First let's hear from the contenders. Smartkitty, do you have a few words for our audience?


Well G, I'm here to defend my title as the CWF (Cat Wrestling Federation) heavyweight champion and want to say hello to all my fans, especially the ladies! (Smiles broadly and raises championship belt above his head. Girls in the first five rows remove their collars and wave them around.) I've been training hard and think this will be a good match tonight.

Thank you, Smartkitty. Best of luck to you. And, Everpurr, do you want to say a few words before the match begins?


Yes G, thank you. I know I'm young and small, but I'm feisty and strong. I've been training hard and I'm ready to give my fans all I've got. (Waves gaily to cheering crowd as we hear wolf whistles and stomping feet in the background. Speedy, seated in the first row, bristles and scowls at the other males in the area.)

Thank you, Everpurr and good luck to you.

Friends, cats are filling in all available seats. Many are wearing the colors of their favorite and waving banners or programs autographed by the contenders. There's Speedy, the challenger's boyfriend, along with his sisters Zippy & Sadie, all waving pink banners, and Daisy, founder of the Pink Ladies, with all the ladies and their dates following her. Over there in a neutral corner I see the challenger's sister Tipper with her boyfriend Mattingly and his young sister Harlie who happens to be today's Female Feline!

I can hardly see from all the flashbulbs going off, but could that be Kukka-Maria? Yes, I believe it is! The Empress has come out of retirement for tonight's match and is wearing a fabulous red sequined gown. Escorted by husband Brach Lee, she's accompanied by her former Tomcat Stable members Zeus, Miles, William & Moose, all sporting red bow ties in honor of The Champ. Among the crowd is presidential candidate Chey and husband Latte, along with Vice Presidential candidate Derby and the lovely Princess Mia. Over there I see the other candidates Cato and the lovely Skittles being escorted by her running-mate/boyfriend Slycat, all trying to make it to their seats. Remember friends, the upcoming presidential debates will be hosted by none other than that well-known international celebricat, Skeezix!

I think the entire cat blogosphere is here tonight!! Cats of all sizes and colors have come from around the globe tonight to see what promises to be a spectacular match. I think some may have chartered private jets and there are dozens of limousines parked outside. I see Gorgeous Gingers, House Panthers, Meezers, Tabbies, Tuxies, Dreamcats/Dreamgirls and Coats of Many Colors members. Every available seat is taken with some cats climbing on the shoulders of others to get a better view. It's definitely a standing room only crowd tonight!

Before the match begins, I want to say that the kitchen is open with a wide array of seafood, meats, chicken, cheeses, milk & ice cream, as well as catnip for those that care to indulge. For anyone needing a break from all the excitement, there are sleeping cushions and toys and, for your comfort, there are three litterboxes. Please form orderly lines and cover completely out of respect for the next occupant.

Now friends, before we begin, here's an important message from our sponsor.


Temp-tay-Shun Treats is proud to sponsor tonight's match and we're happy to announce that the lucky winner will receive a LIFETIME supply of treats in a flavor of his or her choice!! Yes, you heard right...that's a LIFETIME supply! Representatives will now be passing among the crowd giving out free samples so you can taste all our new flavors. (crowd applauds madly then holds out their paws for samples) Remember, Temp-tay-Shun is The Champ's favorite treat -- make it your favorite, too!! And now, back to the action!


Alright fans, it looks like they're about to begin! Before the actual match gets started, let me describe the ring. The mat is beige carpeting, tufts pulled here and there from previous practice matches. The ring area is about 6 feet square, surrounded by furniture. For safety reasons, fans are being restrained from entering the ring. The wrestlers are in their respective corners, getting last minute encouragement.

And...(DING, DING, DING) there's the bell signaling the first round!!!

There's Smartkitty, crouching down, tail whipping back & forth, tense and alert, waiting for Everpurr to make the first move.

Everpurr does a few dance steps, sits, flattens her ears and raises her right paw. She appears to be readying herself for a frontal attack, but instead springs into the air!!! And she lands right on Smartkitty, who seems stunned by the aerial assault... they tumble once, twice, three times across the mat. The referee breaks them apart and they go to their corners!

The crowd is cheering wildly, waving their banners.

We're ready for the second round, and..(DING, DING,DING) there's the bell again!!!

Smartkitty is ready this time. He's staring down Everpurr and you can see every muscle bulging beneath his glossy fur. The fans are going crazy with anticipation. Everpurr crouches and springs again...look at her go!! She's flying through the air and, once again she lands on Smartkitty, but he's ready for her this time. He grabs her around the middle and bunny kicks again & again...clumps of fur stick to the carpet...they're rolling so fast it looks like a blur...just one ball of black, grey & white! And the referee pulls them apart! He's one brave guy to reach into that writhing ball of teeth and claws!

Ladies & gentlemen, can you hear the screaming fans? I don't know if you can hear me...I can barely hear myself speaking. The wrestlers are in their corners, gasping for breath. The tension in this room can be cut with a knife.

And...(DING, DING, DING) there's the bell for round three!!

Smartkitty doesn't give Everpurr the advantage this time. He lunges forward, heads knock and fur flies, but whose is it? Everything is happening so can hear muffled meows from both wrestlers as they tumble and kick. And...oh no, Everpurr's shocking pink collar has been torn off and flies across the room, followed by The Champ's bright red collar. It's pandemonium in here as the fans scream wildy!!!

Friends, Smartkitty is twice Everpurr's size and outweighs her by at least 6 pounds...I don't know how much more of this she can take!! She's a brave fighter, that girl and...wait, I think this might be it...yes, there it is...he pins her to the mat with one huge paw!!


Ladies & gentlemen, the winner, and still champion...Maxwellllllllll Smartkittyyyyyyy. (Raises Max's right paw above his head)

Smartkitty, congratulations on your win. Do you want to say something to your legions of fans?


(chest heaving) Thanks, G. Yeah...(huff, huff)...I want to say thanks to all my fans and friends, ...(huff, puff)... to my family and to Misty who's been a great sparring partner. (waves to the cheering crowd where the girls are attaching small pieces of paper to their collars before tossing them into the ring.)

(whispers) Max, what're all these papers on the floor?

Phone numbers, I think.

Oh. OK then, let's hurry and wrap this thing up.

(ahem) ...and Everpurr, do you have anything to say to your fans?


(huffing & puffing) Yes...(huff, huff)...thanks everyone for your support. (blows kisses into the crowd and bends over the ropes to embrace Speedy who almost faints from the excitement.) I know I didn't stand much of a chance, but I gave it my all!! Max has been a great teacher, but I still have a lot to learn so... (huff, puff)...I'm going back into training for the next match and hope you'll all come out again to...

(looks impatiently at watch) Uh... thank you Everpurr. And there you have it, friends. We hope you've enjoyed tonight's match. Now, if everyone would just exit in an orderly manner....

(whispers) Max!! Quick let's gather up these phone numbers. Meet me in the other room!


At July 13, 2007 8:46 AM, Anonymous Cheysuli said...

That was so incredibly exciting you guys! I can't believe it.

At July 13, 2007 9:16 AM, Blogger Kaze, Latte, or Chase said...

Oh how VERY VERY exciting!!! I'm so glad we could all be there to watch. Misty, I think you and I should train together because it is always my goal to bring Chase down. You are my inspiration!!


At July 13, 2007 9:34 AM, Blogger Daisy said...

Everpurr! Everpurr! Everpurr! That was such an exciting match, I am still breathless. Misty, you made a good showing. You are strong and brave! You coulda' been a contenda!

Congratulations to the winner, Smartkitty!

At July 13, 2007 9:50 AM, Blogger Victor Tabbycat said...

Wow that was exciting! Next time, I bet Misty will win. I can tell you've bof been practicin.
An, if you need any help cleanin up Temp-tay-Shuns, lemme know.

At July 13, 2007 9:56 AM, Blogger Dragonheart said...

What a great wrestling match! :) You are both terrific athletes! So exciting!!! :) Thanks for the entertainment. :) Just fabulous!

At July 13, 2007 11:01 AM, Blogger Zippy, Sadie and Speedy said...

Oh, that was furry din't get any owies did yoo Misty? Oh gosh, yoo were amazing! ::looks around, leans over and kisses Misty rite on the lips:: Um, wow...::faints::
::Zippy and Sadie start chant::Girl Power, Girl Power, Girl Power.....

At July 13, 2007 11:20 AM, Blogger The Meezers said...

Maxwell, YOU IS DA MAN!! WOOO HOOOO! it was good to see efurryone out for this amazin event - Sammy

bwerjit sdkjfioth sekljfrdrhtjy - Miles

Um, I think Miles is trying to talk wif his mouf stuffed full wif food - Great job Max!!!

At July 13, 2007 11:53 AM, Blogger Shilgiah the Cat said...

Great wrestling shots!

At July 13, 2007 2:24 PM, Blogger jcfloresinc said...

Wow guys that was an exciting match!!
Misty rocks!! ::girl power, girl power, girl power:: Samantha joins the chant. Thanks for inviting us it was wonderful and the food was fabulous!!
Samantha & Tigger

At July 13, 2007 3:04 PM, Blogger Harlie said...

Oh how EXCITING!!! That was such a tough match! We are happy for Max, and Misty, we know you are only going to get stronger, and you'll have your day too!

Harlie and Mattingly

At July 13, 2007 3:12 PM, Blogger Fat Eric said...

Wow! It certainly was an occasion to remember for the cat blogosphere!

Well done Max, you struck a blow (or ten) for the Mancats amongst us!

At July 13, 2007 3:32 PM, Blogger Monty Q. Kat said...

Wowzers-I'm tired just readin' all that. Good match y'all!

At July 13, 2007 5:44 PM, Blogger ML (Mary Lynn) said...

Wow, what a wonderful match. Course, KC and I were pulling for Misty, but maybe next time.
Thank you for a delightful evening...
Purrs, Missy Blue Eyes & KC

At July 13, 2007 6:02 PM, Blogger Derby said...

A wonderful match. Way to go Max.

At July 13, 2007 6:18 PM, Blogger DaisyMae Maus said...

That was incredibly exciting! I do believe that Everpurr deserves a rematch!

Thank you to all of the Crew for the wonderful thank you note ... It was in today's post. To answer your question about squillions: Mom 'dopted them from the Green Walls Animal Shelter back in May. There were very few left at the shelter locations in San Diego County (Mom went to ALL of 'em), so she had to travel to Riverside County where there were a couple of shelters in a city called Hemet. Mom told me that she'd be paintin' the rest of our adoptees as part of our Christmastime Secret Paws packages. And she's so flattered that you all liked them so much. She plans to start scouting the Green Walls Animal Shelters earlier next year ... perhaps during March or April when the new "litters" come in.

Concatulations to Max!

At July 13, 2007 6:57 PM, Blogger muffinmidi said...

Score one for us man cats.

At July 13, 2007 8:07 PM, Blogger Kimo & Sabi said...

Wowy - what a match! We was on da edge of our seats (well, da floor) - and when da collars came off we was lookin' fer blood - great action packed time!

At July 14, 2007 6:56 AM, Blogger Fritzamus Maximus said...

That was a very exciting match!

At July 15, 2007 9:35 AM, Blogger Parker said...

Dang, I missed all the action!

At July 15, 2007 12:40 PM, Blogger Tyler said...

I want to nominate each one of you for the schmoozing award. Hop on over to my blog and get your copy of the banner, please. Yeah for The Crew!

At July 16, 2007 6:56 AM, Blogger The Cat Realm said...

Oh bummer. We missed it!
But thanks to your excellent description of the fight it was almost as if we were there!
How exciting it was! Congratulations Smartkitty!

At May 13, 2010 10:26 PM, Blogger 文章 said...

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