This is Perfect!

GEORGE


My friends, the following which was sent to Mom by one of her friends,
illustrates what we cats have known forever. We felines are clearly the
superior species.


DOG DIARY

  8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
  9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
  9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing! 
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
  1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
  3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing! 
 5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing! 
 7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing! 
 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!


CAT DIARY

Day 983 of my captivity.  My captors continue to taunt me with
bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are
fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.  Although I make my contempt
for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in
order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going
is my dream of escape.  In an attempt to disgust them, I once again
vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their
feet.  I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates what I am capable of.  However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.  However,
I could hear the noises and smell the food.  I overheard that my 
confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this
means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.  I am convinced that the
other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. 

The dog receives special privileges.  He is regularly released and seems
to be more than willing to return.  He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant.  I observe him communicate with the
guards regularly.  I am certain that he reports my every move.  My captors
have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.
For now...