Monday, January 18, 2010

Who Do You Believe?

MAX

I just had a traumatic experience and am talking to you from a safe place behind the sofa, which is why you can't see me. I know you won't believe this 'cause I couldn't either, but last night Mom tried to kill me, and Dad helped her!! It was awful and I barely escaped with all of my 9 lives.

This is what happened.

I was minding my own business when I was rudely picked up and put on a towel on the kitchen counter. Then they gave me treats and tried to trick me by saying everything was OK. I think they might have been trying to knock me out with drugs at first but because of my size and superior strength the poison had no effect on me.

MOM

We were trying to calm you down and they were the same treats you always get.

MAX

Hmmphhh...a likely story.

After I ate the questionable treats, Mom got me in a headlock, pinning me against her side with her elbow. Dad stood behind her holding my head and shoulders. I struggled mightily, but they held on.

Then I heard this buzzing sound and tried to turn to see what it was, but Dad was holding my head so I couldn't see. But I heard it and then I felt it. It felt like my fur was being torn off in hunks!!

MOM

That's ridiculous, Max. No one was hurting you.

MAX

Who's telling this...you or me?!

The second that thing touched me, I knew what was happening. First they tried to drug me, and when that didn't work they tried to electrocute me!!! Each time that buzzy thing touched me, I screamed. Fur, and probably lots of blood too I think, flew everywhere. I struggled but they held me down. I tried to bite and scratch.

MOM

We were trying to trim the mats on your back and you wouldn't hold still. And, there was no blood.

MAX

I know what was happening Mom, and I'm not buying your story. I'm telling everycat what really happened...what you & Dad tried to do to me!!!

We battled on for what seemed like hours. I fought very bravely, friends.

MOM

Oh for heaven's sake. It was less than a minute!

MAX

Then, just when I thought I was a goner, Mom touched the buzzy thing against my back again and Dad started losing his grip. I gave out a mighty growl and arched my back. He let go and I leaped from the countertop and ran off, barely saving myself from certain death.

MOM

The truth is, Max is very matted along his back where he can't reach to groom himself and we only managed to trim half of one mat before he escaped.

MAX

Well, I think my version is more exciting than yours!

32 Comments:

At January 18, 2010 4:41 AM, Blogger Brian said...

Oh no, you must have been really scared!

 
At January 18, 2010 5:15 AM, Blogger The Creek Cats said...

Oh how terrifying! We've seen one of those buzzy things being used on a woofie before. Furry scary!

 
At January 18, 2010 6:31 AM, Blogger Karen & Gerard Zemek said...

Oh, poor Max. I'm sure you exaggerated somewhat here but you tell a very good story! I just used scissors to cut off the mat on my dad's cat but it only had one. Those buzzy things are very scary!

 
At January 18, 2010 6:59 AM, Blogger The Paw Relations said...

OMC Max! Have you reposted them to the humane society yet?

 
At January 18, 2010 6:59 AM, Blogger Simba said...

Excellent story from both sides. I get mats sometimes too - once a little one starts, it attracts more fur to it. My folks use scissors and a brush - cutting into the mat a few times, or cutting it off completely. I think I would be nervous of an electrocution machine too.

 
At January 18, 2010 7:30 AM, Blogger The Island Cats said...

Oh Max...what a horrible experience! Watch out! Something tells us they might try to do it again!

 
At January 18, 2010 8:02 AM, Blogger Derby said...

A buzzy thing on your butt? Yikes, I know your ho-ha's are gone, but still...Let the kittie alone.

 
At January 18, 2010 9:21 AM, Blogger Cheysuli and gemini said...

Oh no! Momma tries to do that to me but I will not let her! Oh no. I hate that buzzy thing on my butt!

 
At January 18, 2010 9:35 AM, Blogger Sammy and Andy said...

Oh, dear, Max....what a frightful experience!!!! We are happy to hear you got away and are safely hid behind the sofa. xxxxxxxxxxxxx

 
At January 18, 2010 9:36 AM, Blogger Busby and Raymond said...

Ugh! Our Mom used to have to shave our brother Alex once in awhile. It's never pretty for anyone, but once it was done, he felt so much better.

 
At January 18, 2010 9:42 AM, Blogger Elizabeth and Connor said...

Oh my goodness! What horrible experience! Did you tell the ASPCA?

 
At January 18, 2010 10:14 AM, Blogger Angel and Kirby said...

Poor max! That sounds terrible. But you really should let mom and Dad take care of those mats

 
At January 18, 2010 10:23 AM, Blogger The Whiskeratti said...

Max, that was a terrible experience! Really. But.. wouldn't it be nice to be all freshly groomed and stuff?

 
At January 18, 2010 10:36 AM, Blogger Zippy, Sadie and Speedy said...

Oh, the felinity! We feel bad fur yoo Max, and if you'd like we could report them fur trying to keeel yoo. Psst, mom sez dat yoo would feel better wifout da mats but we don't beleeve her. She's a little bit crazy dis week!

 
At January 18, 2010 10:41 AM, Blogger Cat of Nine Tales said...

Oh Max, I'm sorry you were so frightened. Maybe Mom and Dad can finish the job by tempting you with treats. Our Wizard doesn't like to be clipped either, but if I hold his favorite treat (cheddar cheese) right at his nose, letting him lick but not eat, it is amazing how much grooming can get done. Once we are done, he gets his treat. Tricky, huh? It's all for good.
~Lisa Co9T

 
At January 18, 2010 10:57 AM, Blogger Ariel said...

"Oh My" That was scary Max your very brave.

 
At January 18, 2010 12:03 PM, Blogger Harry Spotter said...

We think your version Max is the truth. My dad has been trying to kill me for 2 weeks now. He says he was only giving me my meds but I think he just jealous of all my friends. Stay in a safe place and keep us posted.

 
At January 18, 2010 12:07 PM, Blogger Max said...

Doood! That calls for treating something of theirs to a toothy death! Holy carp, that was AWFUL!!!

 
At January 18, 2010 2:01 PM, Blogger Daisy said...

Max, I believe your every word! Your mom is going to have to give you MANY treats to make up for this foul treatment.

 
At January 18, 2010 2:29 PM, Blogger Kea said...

LOL! Nice to meet you all.

My "angel" Chumley used to get badly matted on his back end, by his tail, under his tummy. I'd take him to the groomer at the vet clinic a few times a year and have his belly and butt shaved, plus down his back legs. Heheh. You should have seen him. He got used to it, but the first time I had it done he wouldn't hold his tail up for a day or two--too much of a breeze!

But actually, it turned out he LOVED being shaved, so the groomer told me, and would lie on his back, splayed, for her to do it. It was the brushing he hated.

So, if you can't get the mats out between the two of you, maybe consider a groomer. Or, you can get one of those cone things to ensure he doesn't bite. Er, just don't let Max read this post!

-Kim from Fuzzy Tales

 
At January 18, 2010 3:41 PM, Blogger Eric and Flynn said...

OMC! That sounds like the stuff of nightmares. Have you recovered now?

 
At January 18, 2010 3:45 PM, Blogger Sónia Mendes said...

Hi Max, my parents tried to do the same thing to me. They say they were trying to brush my belly, but I don't buy that...

Purrs from Gotchi

 
At January 18, 2010 5:16 PM, OpenID catsintrees said...

Your Mom and Dad should change hairdresser, they have the most peculiar way of giving a haircut.

 
At January 18, 2010 5:59 PM, Blogger Dr Tweety of da Fab Five said...

Oh Max dudde!!!! What a horry-bull tale of blood & hair & gutsez!!!!! I yam still reeling from da thought of such an as____t (hmm, da name of dis act escapesez me entirely!) on your manlicatness.
No matter what da momeez say, it iz alwayz egg-saturated on dere part!
I yam with you.

 
At January 18, 2010 7:15 PM, Blogger Fin said...

Oh Max I know just what you mean! Stay hidden.

 
At January 18, 2010 9:38 PM, Blogger Glogirly and Katie said...

Oh Max, I'm totally on your side. You either need to find that buzzer thing and destroy it, or just continue hiding until its safe.

mew!
Katie
(Glogirly's cat)

 
At January 19, 2010 3:23 AM, Blogger Huffle Mawson said...

Max, you can come hide out at my place. No-one will realise you're here and you'll be safe. There is no buzzy monster here.

 
At January 19, 2010 12:33 PM, Blogger Christine and FAZ said...

Wow, Texas Chainsaw has nothing on your house. FAZ

 
At January 19, 2010 2:26 PM, Blogger Shaggy, Scooby and Scout said...

Max! You barely survived that bloody struggle!
Poop in their shoes tonight.

 
At January 20, 2010 3:18 PM, Blogger Amy and The House of Cats said...

Max that sounds like it was just awful for you! We totally sympathize!

(ok, so Max's mom - my aunts cat had really bad mats, and so while she was on vacation I decided to get them out - I used one of the really sturdy metal dog combs, because it can get into the mats and work them out a little at a time - that might help avoid a bit of shaving - if you can work it out in small bits it works better and hurts them less. We did this a lot with our longhaired cat too (my aunts cat had short fur). I have also used an orange stick (and put my hand under the mat - and yes a cuticle orange stick) to break them up - as long as you use your hand to protect against the point it works well - don't even ask how I came up with that one)

 
At January 20, 2010 5:38 PM, Blogger MoMo said...

Poor Max, my sympathy is entirely with you. I KNOW what you were going through.

 
At January 21, 2010 8:17 PM, Blogger caspersmom said...

My Mom was really cruel, she laughed out loud at your predicament. why are our stories so different than the ones our Mom tells?? I guess they can't see the truth. Well I'm glad you escaped to the back of the sofa.

Casper

 

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home

Related Posts with Thumbnails