Monday, March 08, 2010

A Film

Here is our entry into the film ACatemy Awards competition being run by Fin.

a 2-part documentary produced & directed by
G Pie
(this film has not yet been rated)

This film will look at the sometimes solitary existence of cat perches.
You'll get a glimpse into the private lives of two perches,
and hear their own words.

Part I

I have here with me a blue perch. What can you tell us about yourself?

Well, George, I think I've been here about 6 years but I'm not really sure. My days sort of all blend together, you know. Each day is pretty much like another. Before I came here I lived in a pet supply store, but I didn't have my cats then, of course. One day a lady put me in her car and took me home and I've been here ever since.

I have 4 shelves, or perches, that are occupied by you 4 cats, so we're a good fit that way. I have enough space for all my cats, but my top shelf is where everyone wants to be. Once in a while my cats even get into squabbles over who will get my top shelf!

I think I'm one of the fortunate ones of my kind 'cause I'm positioned squarely in front of a big window overlooking a deck and yard. I've heard horror stories about other cat
perches who are stuck in dark corners and don't get to see anything at all, but I have one of the best spots in this whole house!

My days are spent with my cats, sometimes many, sometimes just one. Often I'm alone if they're somewhere else in the house, but I watch for them to come back to me, which they always do.
Sometimes the lady sprinkles catnip on my shelves for my cats to enjoy.

You'll have to forgive my appeara
nce. I know I'm getting older and worn out, but you remember me in my youth, don't you,George? I was really something, wasn't I! I had clean, fresh smelling wooden posts and thick blue carpeted shelves. I had that "new perch" smell about me and my cats loved me. They still do.

Now, as you can see, I'm somewhat tattered and to tell you the truth, I'm getting a little worried about my future here. I saw the lady giving me strange looks the other day and I know what she was thinking! Are my days numbered? Am I going where old perches go when they're no longer needed?

And, where might that be?

I don't tell me! There was a perch here before me, wasn't there? What happened to him? He just disappeared and I never saw him again.

Just look at my edges and my rope. And look here...look at all the cat hair that's matted on my carpeting. The lady used to vacuum me, but I haven't been vacuumed in months now! She just throws some quilts over me.

Doesn't anyone care about aging cat perches any more? What's going to happen to me?!

Part II

I'm lucky enough to know the whereabouts of the former perch that served the cats in this same house, myself included. To hear his story we must travel to the dark reaches of the basement. Please follow me downstairs, but be very quiet. He's old and is probably sleeping. We don't want to startle him.

What was that? Who's there?! Stay back...don't come any closer!!

Don't be afraid. No one will hurt you. We just want to talk.

Georgie? Is that you?

Yes, it's me. I came to see you.

Ahhh...Georgie, my boy. Come here where I can see you, but don't turn on the light!

But I have to. My camera man can't see in this dim light like I can.

No...look away! I'm hideous!!

Not to me, you aren't. We've been friends a long time and I need to talk to you. There's a perch upstairs who's worried and needs to hear your story in your own words. Can you share it with us?

My story? Someone wants to hear my story? It goes back so many years, I've probably forgotten most of it. I've been in this basement a long time now. I do remember that you were just a young whippersnapper when I came to this house. How long ago was that?

Almost 13 years.

Yes, yes, I remember now. We were, me and your sister Gracie. Whatever happened to your sister?

She went to The Bridge.

Oh, sorry to hear that. She was a lovely girl.  I remember how you both used to jump on me and play. Ahh, but you were a good jumper back then, weren't you, boy? 'Course I was in my prime myself and could take all those jumps without falling over. I couldn't do that now, so don't try it!

Remember the great games of feather and glitter ball we had? Remember how you used to get 'nipped out and almost fall off my shelves?! And remember our days in the sun? You watched birds and squirrels and got some great naps.
In the spring we watched the trees leaf out and flower buds open and in the fall we watched as those leaves turned colors. In the summer when the patio door was open we got warm breezes and watched the bugs on the screen. I recall the winters being pretty bad, though. Lots of ice and snow, but it was OK 'cause we stayed warm together.

Yes, I remember.

Then I started getting older and so did you. My carpeting got torn and my rope was clawed to pieces, but I knew you still loved me. I remember when Tipper joined the family, then Max. Both of them were tiny kittens and they loved me, too. Yep, we had some good times, didn't we, boy?

That new little girl that's here now...what's her name?

Misty, and she's been here almost 4 years.

4 years, you say? Just goes to show you how time flies.

Before she came I was already old and rickety. Then one day the lady and man picked me up and carried me down here. At first I was really scared 'cause I didn't know what was happening, but I got used to it after a while. I see the family when they come down here and I like it when my cats visit me. Oh, it's a little lonely sometimes, but I'm warm and dry and I can hear the family upstairs, so I know you're all OK. That's the important thing.

Tell that young perch upstairs he's got plenty of life left in him. Tell the lady I said to vacuum him and give him a good trim like she used to do with me, and when the time finally comes for him to retire he can join me down here and we'll swap stories about our cats.

You'll come see me again won't you, Georgie boy?

You can bet on it.


At March 08, 2010 4:43 AM, Blogger Jack and Persephone said...

Wow, your cat perch sees a lot of...uh 'life', doesn't it? Ours is 6 years old and it still looks pretty much new! And we even scratch on it! And try to wrestle it!

We're glad the old perch is happy down in the basement. But the upstairs perch definitely looks like it still has some life it it! Maybe your Mom or Dad could cut off some of the rope and wrap some new rope around the post?


At March 08, 2010 12:14 PM, Blogger Zippy, Sadie and Speedy said...

We don't haf one of dem kinda kitty posts but we haf a nice scratching post. Maybe our scratching post should read dis stuff, we think he is getting a bit "wobbly"...

At March 08, 2010 1:59 PM, Blogger Shilgiah the Cat said...

Very fascinating historical (and hysterical) interview techniques you used George. No wonder you won an Oscar!

At March 08, 2010 3:11 PM, Blogger RoSA said...

Find out what's going on with the world's most finicky cat - Morris - at

This message is being posted on behalf of 9Lives and we hope that it is of interest for you.

At March 08, 2010 5:01 PM, OpenID catsintrees said...

Wonderful documentary. It gives a good insight all the aspects of the life a perch. It did make our tree a little bit jealous, however. But when we told it it is the best supporting actor in all our movies everything was fine again.

At March 08, 2010 9:14 PM, Blogger Fin said...

Claps Paws! Bravo Bravo! That has me tearing up! Thanks for playing!

PS for some reason this didn't show up in my reader? I saw your Mr Linky thank Cod.

At March 09, 2010 3:06 AM, Blogger Huffle Mawson said...


At March 09, 2010 3:58 AM, Blogger Ayla and Iza, said...

Wow, Perch, ya done great... Really good for a kitty condo. We give ya 4 paws up!

At March 09, 2010 7:52 AM, Blogger Four Dinners said...

Maximus Spittimus loves your perch!!

And your speach..

Four Dinners
Aide de Camp

At March 09, 2010 8:13 AM, Blogger AttieCattie said...

scintillating! heehee.

At March 11, 2010 4:59 AM, Blogger Cat said...

Very touching...almost had me in tears...feel so bad for the former perch that I think you should organise an adoption for it...or maybe a renovation...poor old guy down there in the dark all by himself!! Please give him our greetings even though we never met him! Lautrec and Tiny (WeezDaBadCats)


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