Learning to Be a House Lady

MISTY

I'm seven months today!! YAY!! Since I'm almost grown up now, I decided maybe I should start learning how to be a House Lady. So I followed...

MOM

Wait a second. What's a House Lady?

MISTY

They take care of a house.

MOM

Oh, you mean The Lady of the House.

MISTY

That's what I said, isn't it? Anyway, I followed Mom around and this is what I learned. For the girls that want to be a House Lady, you have to learn to do ALL these things - IN ONE DAY - and you'll probably be really tired after. It's OK to take a nap like I did.

• Changing the sheets. Usually Max helps with this, but he let me do it this time. Take the sheets off the big bed and carry them to the clothes cleaner machine. Then take clean sheets from the closet but before you lay them down and smooth them out, you jump around. It's good to jump on the pillows too.

• Doing the laundry. Stinky clothes go in the washer machine and wet clothes come out. Then the wet clothes go in the dryer machine and go around. Before the wet clothes go in, you have to get inside to be sure it's empty, but don't stay in there or you'll go around too! When the clothes come out of the dryer machine, they're nice & warm and they don't smell stinky any more. Take each piece and fold it flat. Make a high stack that can be knocked over. Pick up the stacks, carry them into the bedroom and put everything on the cedar chest. When the stacks get really high, put some things in drawers.
  

• Cleaning the bathroom. Put some blue stuff in the water and brush it around. Don't drink that water...it's icky! Stand in the bathtub with the spray bottle and make it go skwidg, skwidg, skwidg. Then scrub the glass doors until the dirt is gone. If the scrubber thing accidently flies out of the tub, don't let it hit you 'cause it smells like the spray bottle. Take the scrubber thing and wash the sink. The paper towel you use to wipe the mirror is good to chase.
  

• Dusting. Take the long hose and put a brush on the end of it, then go whoosh, whoosh on all the furniture. Make the dust go away, but if you see a spider in the corner, don't make it go away. It's OK to eat it.
  

• Cleaning the floors. There's a lot of cat hair around, 'specially on the carpet where Max and I wrestle...plus parts of things that I've torn up like papers and feather toys and things I find in wastebaskets. Take the long hose in all the rooms and make the mess go away. Then take the mop and wash the kitchen floor. A wet floor is good for sliding on and I can go all the way across the kitchen!
  

• Going to the store. I wasn't allowed to go with, but I think this is where Mom gets things we need and then brings them home in bags. Bags are great to look in...you never know what you'll find in there. After you look at everything then you help decide where to put things away. Make sure there's room for things and get in the cabinets to look around.
  

• Taking a break. Sit on the couch and say "Oh, my back!" then put you feet on the table. This is the time to have a snack and look at a magazine. I took a small nap so I could be ready for the next work.

• Clean the litterboxes. Scoop out all the stuff in the litterbox that's in the closet. Then put in new litter. Do the same thing with the litterbox in the basement. If the boxes smell really stinky, get a plastic bag and empty everything. Then wash the box. If you have to go, you have to wait until the box is on the floor again. It's OK to tell Mom to hurry up if you have to go really bad.
  

• Paying bills. Take the papers from the box outside, then sit down and look at each one. Say "Why is everything so expensive!" and say some of the bad words. Decide to throw some papers out. These are the ones you're allowed to play with. Later get your purse and some papers and write with a pen. Every time Mom puts the pen down, knock it on the floor.
  

• Cooking. This is for food that Mom & Dad eat. Our food doesn't need to be cooked...it comes in a bag, except for when we have tuna water. It's not good to jump up on the stove top when Mom is standing by it 'cause it freaks her out and she hollers at you! When the food is on a plate though, you can help yourself to what you want.